Because the month is almost over, and because I'm having the "scattered brain syndrome" again, let's try to facilitate this post by making it the next installment of the 30-day-meme.



So, what happened in my life this month? Not much. Perhaps the correct question would be what happened in my, uhm, headspace (which is where I live, of course). In that sense, it's been a most interesting month, no doubt.;) I could easily call it the Month of Deepening Obsession.:D Especially the past week has been sort of... intense. Again, I feel vaguely embarrassed talking about it, even though it probably doesn't faze anyone who reads this journal by now. Hell, yesterday I had dinner with a friend who isn't into the online fandom stuff at all (she didn't know what "fanfiction" even was, I kid you not...:D), and I told her about the vampire porn (me, the "lesbian", reading about two MALE vampires getting it on in the most graphic ways), and she was quite unfazed. LOL. And yet... I can barely believe the effect those erotic fantasies have upon me. It's sort of ridiculous, considering what I've been saying about hardly ever experiencing any kind of sexual attraction towards people in "real life". But I wasn't lying about that. It's completely true. It's also completely true that I have a HELL of a libido sometimes... particularly when it comes to fictional people from books or movies. And it's not even wanting those imaginary people for myself, most of the time... it's just wanting to see them have wild, passionate sex with each other. All the time.:D That's what gets me so hot I am literally dizzy, breathless, melting right through the chair in abject lust. One sentence of well-written erotica sends me into instant palpitations - as long as it's about my favorite pairing-du-jour, of course. Make it about someone else, and it leaves me cold. Just like trying to inject myself into those fantasies leaves me cold. And yet, of course I am IN them, I feel it with every fiber of my being; I am either one or the other of the two lovers as they come together (pun intended, LOL), or sometimes both... just not myself, not my own "real life" persona. This is what happens when I go to bed and turn off the light, this is what happens when I'm in the shower... I close my eyes and forget all about my own body, even though it's my own body that reaps the benefits, so to speak.:P Oh, it can be "all in my head", without any sort of physiological reaction at all; virtual debauchery, if you please.:D But recently, it's been so overwhelming I just have to, uhm... deal with it sometimes. Yes, feel free to laugh. I can read OR write very explicit porn about fictional characters, but I blush like a schoolgirl when I mention anything remotely sexual that has to do with me. Make of that what you will (just don't send me to a shrink, I can't afford one... LOL).

Huh. I think I cheated. I didn't really talk about "this month" at all. But I did talk about what's been on my mind for most of this month, as well as the previous one, LOL... so it will have to do. Now I need to shut up and watch a movie, because I'm still paying for my Netflix, regardless of whether I actually watch anything or not, and I've had this DVD for 2 weeks. It's not that I don't want to watch it. I'm just... distracted. *sigh* ;P