Anybody remember the 30-day meme?... The one I've been doing for the past few years?... Probably not. But never mind. Here's the next installment anyway.



Because, as it happens, something did make me cry today, and it was so poignant and predictable that it practically begs for an LJ entry.;) It was the very essence of what makes me cry - and that is fictional romance that carries some deeper truth about my own feelings in "real life". Truth about how I relate to people I fall in love with.

There's this tiny bit of dialog between my immortal OTP that just hits the nail on the head. It happens towards the end of the fourth volume of the Vampire Chronicles, which I am re-reading right now (yes, I am taking my sweet time with these books, reading them very slowly on purpose, savoring every sentence; that is how I roll, and I wouldn't have it any other way). It goes as follows:

"Why do you love me?" I asked.

"You know, you've always known. I wish I could be you. I wish I could know the joy you know all the time."

"And the pain, you want that as well?"

"Your pain?" He smiled. "Certainly. I'll take your brand of pain anytime, as they say."

I know this is taken out of context, but it really isn't necessary to know the whole story in order to understand what I'm trying to convey. I wish I could be you. This one little sentence made me burst into tears this morning, because it encapsulates the heady mixture of worship and envy that often consumes me when I am in love. Even if I am mature enough by now to realize that it's delusional, that someone else's "brand of pain" isn't necessarily any less painful, simply because they seem so incredibly awesome and so much larger than life. But that's how I have felt in the past; in other words, I could only love someone who seemed far too amazing in every aspect to ever possibly love me back. Yes, I do realize how fundamentally wrong and dysfunctional this is. Which probably explains why the quote hit close enough to home to make me cry...

Oh, I could go on about this, but it's getting late and I'm tired. Still, I venture it's a more interesting post than the usual mundane claptrap about how I spent my weekend...