Floating Leaf

So, how about I try to change the topic and see how that goes?...;) Anybody remember the fabled 30-day meme?... Not the one that's been going around my flist of late, but the one I started back in 2010?... (yes, that's correct, I haven't managed to finish the thing in two years, LOL) Of course not, I presume. So here's the full list of topics once again:



Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 – Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 – Your day, in great detail
Day 07 – Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 – A moment, in great detail
Day 09 – Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 – Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 – What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 – This week, in great detail
Day 14 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 – Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 – Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 – Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 – This month, in great detail
Day 21 – Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 – Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 – A first, in great detail
Day 26 – Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 – Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 28 – Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 – Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 – One last moment, in great detail

And here's my current installment:



Hmmm... there really isn't much to say about that one. It was a little awkward, and I guess exciting in the sense of "OMG FINALLY I AM KISSING SOMEONE" (before you ask, I was 23 at the time) - but other than that... well. I didn't feel any sexual attraction towards the girl I was kissing, but that didn't seem to matter - what seemed to matter was that she identified as a lesbian, just like I did (or was beginning to, at the time), and we were both clueless virgins in our twenties, and for all we knew there were no other lesbians in town, and somehow it seemed crucial that we get this done and over with before we die of embarrassment at our lack of experience in the matter. At least that's how I felt. I simply didn't believe that real mutual attraction or passion ever happened in real life - to me, it was the stuff of fantasy and fiction (and for the most part, I was right... LOL). And, consequently, if I ever wanted to find out how it felt to engage in any sort of sexual activity with another person (and at the time, I did), I had to try it with the first person who was available, willing and not too repulsive. Yes, I know how that sounds. And yes, my views on the matter have pretty much made a 180-degree turn since then. But that's what happened all those years ago. I didn't want her or love her, but I spent the next 3 years convincing myself that I did - and getting majorly fucked up emotionally in the process, due to her psychiatric issues (of course, if I DID love her, it would have been that much worse). That's how clueless and pathetic I was. In a way, it was fortunate that I felt so horribly awkward around men (which made it easy to convince myself I was a lesbian) - because, let's face it, I was prime "battered wife" material. My self-esteem was crawling somewhere very near to the floorboards... and my lovely girlfriend quite enjoyed giving it a mighty kick every once in a while. But at least she wasn't physically violent - not with me, anyway (she was later, with other people, btw).

Yeah... that didn't sound nearly as romantic as you might have expected. *evil cackle* But c'est la vie. Which probably explains why I mostly stick to fiction for my erotic thrills. So far, it's been quite a satisfying solution, thank you very much. *wry smirk*