Floating Leaf

I'm sick, dammit. Some stupid bug decided to inflict me with this massive lethargic grumpiness and general feeling of BLAHHH... WTF UNIVERSE. GO AWAY. It started yesterday morning, causing me to be ridiculously late for work (I just couldn't get my act together, and then the public transportation system wasn't particularly helpful either, as it happens). I somehow made it through the day, but all I was capable of in the evening was sinking into my papasan chair with a heating pad and a movie. Today wasn't much better, since my only accomplishments so far include a hot shower and an extremely exhausting trip to the grocery store. The lousy weather probably doesn't help. Funnily enough, I had taken Monday & Tuesday off, because I still have a few unscheduled vacation days left, and my boss has explicitly warned me not to save them for the end of December (several people have already done that, LOL). I hadn't meant for them to be "sick days"... but it looks like that's what they're shaping up to be. *sigh*

I don't think it's the flu, or even a bad cold - my throat is fine, and I don't even sneeze that much; I just feel fuzzy. And a little congested. And weak. And grumpy as hell. You should have heard me whining and cursing aloud as I dragged my heavy grocery bags home this evening, LOL. I have now officially designated tomorrow as a DAY OF REST, during which I do not intend to move a finger unless I feel like it. We'll see if that gets the bug out of my system (Vitamin C and nasal spray are all good, but I find that the most effective cold remedy for yours truly has always been lots & lots of sleep...).

As for the movie I watched last night... it was Little Ashes, a biopic about the relationship between Salvador Dali and Federico Garcia Lorca. I am quite fond of biopics - especially if they reveal some homosexual subtext (yes, I do love that word, SUBTEXT... LOL) that isn't often talked about when it comes to the famous people in question.:) So it was extremely interesting.;) And I did like Pattinson in it. I think he was quite good. I'm saying that because obviously everyone is making fun of him due to the stupid Twilight shit (which I haven't seen and have no intention of seeing, ever) - but I think I'll try to see a few other films he's made and base my opinion on that. In this one, he was sexy in a slightly creepy way - which happened to be perfect for the role. Incidentally, it could also be perfect if you're playing a vampire... LOL. But I haven't watched him do that, so...

But speaking of vampires (you knew this was coming, didn't you?...:D) - the character of Dali as played by Pattinson in this film actually reminded me somehow of Lestat. Probably because he was such a manipulative, arrogant poseur... LOL (and with a charming vulnerability underneath, too). See, this fic I'm reading... it has hijacked my brain, and it's quite disturbing precisely because it's so damned good and BELIEVABLE - even if Lestat isn't a particularly pleasant person in it at all. Which is a ridiculous thing to say, I suppose - I mean, being pleasant was never very high on his list of priorities in the first place (ahhh, the subtle art of understatement... I has it :D). But in most other fics I've read, the less admirable aspects of his character are often glossed over. Not here. This is written with brutal honesty in regards to canon, and what's going on between Louis and Lestat here is a bona fide love/hate relationship, intense and violent. It seems they cannot live either with or without each other - and that's somehow much more in character for the both of them than any lovey-dovey stuff other authors have come up with (and no, I am not being dismissive of the lovey-dovey fics in question; hell, I crave them, precisely because you can only take so much high drama at a time). In fact, it feels so REAL that it hurts, and there were moments when I wanted to stop reading - but I couldn't. It was just too damned good, and too smart and layered and thought-provoking. And, of course, I'm addicted to endless psychoanalyzing, with tons of literary/cultural references that someone who's been around for over 200 years might carelessly make.;) And if I have to Google something to understand the context, all the better.:) But the frequent, pointless fights are incredibly frustrating - even if they sometimes culminate in bouts of wild, mind-blowing passion. And they do. Btw, this fic is totally canon in the sense that vampires do not have "human" sex; for them, "sex" or "making love" consists mostly of kissing and biting each other all over (with the exchange of blood as the ultimate erotic pleasure). That said, it is all written in such a way that you can't possibly understand how ANYTHING could be more arousing. And there aren't very many authors who can do that. There was this one scene where they both got carried away and felt like they were actually dying, but didn't want to stop. Of course, since they were drinking simultaneously from each other, there was really no danger of either one of them getting drained to the point of death - but that's how it felt before they both blacked out, and it was somehow more powerful than any orgasm could have been. And now I have this quote stuck in my head: Die, my love... die in my arms, and I will die in yours. My death is yours, it belongs to you. It almost made me cry. But then they recovered, and soon enough they were fighting again. Because, in this story, Lestat is a pathological control freak who can't allow himself to be vulnerable. And, of course, being madly in love with Louis makes him vulnerable - so he has the irresisitible urge to act like a jerk to cover that up. I almost said: how very human... but then again, it is also canon that when a person becomes a vampire, all their human flaws are somehow magnified. They may even turn into a grotesque caricature of their human self, dragging all their emotional baggage through eternity...

Ahhh... yes. That was a massive, no-holds-barred braindump that probably wouldn't have found its way here if I wasn't sick and past caring what anyone might think. This is what's going on in my mind at the moment - take it or leave it. And now, I need SLEEEEEP. *zonks out*